


Say You Want Me (Back in Your Life)

by Siren_Grey



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Confusion, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Magical Tattoos, Multi, OT4, Sad with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, the universe is mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siren_Grey/pseuds/Siren_Grey
Summary: When you turn 18, at 12am on your birthday, the name of your soulmate appears on your skin in delicate black ink. But the Universe doesn't always play fair.-Ashton never thought he'd leave his soulmate, just like his father left his mother and him. But the name on his soulmate's skin wasn't his own. Little did he know the Universe had something much bigger planned...Ot4 5sos Soulmate!AU





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent a while on this fic, several chapters are already done, this is my baby and I'm finally ready to share it. The chapters after this prologue are more structured, please understand this chapter is just setting up the backstory for the rest of the fic. I hope you like it x
> 
> I do not own 5sos (unfortunately), only this work ;))
> 
> Updates every Sunday

Calum always thought the idea of soulmates were magical. In all the fairytales it's always said that true love is the strongest power of them all. That true loves kiss can break any curse. But Calum knew these were only stories. Fairies and monsters, and princes and princesses in magical lands, were just that; fairytales. So the idea of soulmates, in the real world, excited him more than anything. It was like real life magic. Calum couldn't wait till his 18th birthday when he would finally get his soulmate's name forever miraculously inked into his skin. Seeing the love in his parent’s, Joy and David's, eyes assured this faith in the soulmate system because yeah, Calum would 'eww' if he ever saw them doing anything even remotely couple-y, but inside he couldn't wait for someone to look at him like that. He had also witnessed when his sister, Mali-Koa, came running out of her bedroom on her 18th birthday with a cheek-splitting smile and way too much energy for 7am. She hadn't met her soulmate yet but her eyes glowed with excitement as she showed her family the name that had appeared on her left forearm.

Ashton on the other hand always had a slight fear. Of course he wanted a soulmate, someone who would love him unconditionally and forever, but in his short life he had already seen that sometimes forever isn't as long as you would hope. Ashton's mother lost her soulmate, his dad, when he was only a toddler. Ashton's father didn't die though, he left, he left his soulmate and two-year-old son. Ashton never understood why anyone would do such a thing. Only someone truly heartless could be capable of something like that and Ashton hoped he was nothing like him, he hoped and wished that he was only like his mother. Years later Ashton's mum, Anne, met his step-father, James, who had also lost his soulmate years prior, she had died in a tragic car crash. They bonded over their losses and eventually got married. Also having Ashton's two younger siblings, Lauren and Harry. But everyday Ashton looked at Anne and James, at their kind smiles and warm eyes, and saw behind it. Behind the facade. He could see how truly sad they were underneath from the loss of their soulmate's. Sure they still made each other happy. Sure they loved each other, but loving someone and being in love with someone were two very different things.

It was Calum's freshman year of high school when he met Ashton, who was a junior. Calum's first day went okay, he had a few old friends from middle school to hang out with, but they didn't really feel like his friends at all. He was putting a few books in his locker when when he saw him, a boy with honey coloured curls and bright hazle eyes a few lockers down from him, he only looked up for a second before looking away again but he managed to drop all his books in the process. The boy instantly came to him, bending over at the exact same time as Calum to retrieve the books, leading to the two boy's bumping heads. Both boy's laughed as they picked up a few books each and stuffed them into Calum's locker.

"Thank you," Calum laughed again, a wide smile on his face.

"That's okay. It was nice bumping into you... literally," the boy laughed back, "I'm Ashton Irwin."

"I'm Calum Hood."

"Nice to meet you, Calum. You a freshman?" The boy— Ashton asked kindly.

"Yeah and nice to meet you, too," _Really Calum, how lame are you?_ Calum thought at that moment. 

"Cool, I'm a junior," Ashton began to lean against the locker next to Calum's. Just as it looked like Ashton was going to speak again two girls and a guy came walking up.

"Ash, you coming?" One of the girls asked, she had chestnut brown hair, blue eyes and was undoubtedly pretty. Calum found himself wondering if this was Ashton's girlfriend and he found that somehow he wasn't okay with that.

"Yeah," Ashton responded to the group before turning back to Calum. "You wanna come sit with us? I totally get it if you have your own friends you wanna be with though-"

"I'd like that," Calum cut him off.

Ashton smiled at the younger boy and lead him to his group, introducing him to his friends as they walked to the cafeteria.

Calum was surprised by how nice Ashton was. This, although Calum didn't know it yet, was the first of many more times to come that Calum would believe Ashton was literally physical sunshine.

-

From that moment on Calum was accepted into the junior's group. Ashton had seen something in him I guess. Almost like he could feel that Calum was going to be very important to him.

Over the next year they became best friends despite the age difference, they hung out on their breaks and after school almost every day. Both Calum and Ashton could feel something more than friendship between them, they could feel it from the first moment they ever locked eyes, but neither boy ever mentioned it. Not until half way through Ashton's senior year, a month or so before his birthday, did anything other than platonic happen between them.

They were having a sleepover that night, just the two of them. Ashton had put on a movie and made some popcorn. They would usually be in Ashton's room, but Anne, James, Harry and Lauren had gone down south for a little getaway, he couldn't go due to him “needing to study” for his most important year of high school (nor did he, a teenage boy, really want to go) so they had the whole house to themselves. Something was already off that night, instead of cuddling each other like they usually would when all their friends were watching a movie with them, they sat awkwardly side by side. The air was stiff and uncomfortable but with something else behind it. Something different that could only be described as a sense of anticipation.

Occasionally one of them would turn and smile, the other boy returning it, before they turned back to the movie. Not to mention the awkwardness when their hands touched in the bowl of popcorn, leading to one of them abruptly pulling their hand out of the bowl. The tension was almost unbearable. In fact it was. It was too unbearable that Ashton couldn't take it anymore. The older boy turned to Calum, the younger boy automatically turning to him straight away, he looked into the dark haired boy's eyes for a moment then pulled him closer and slowly pressed his lips onto Calum's. At first the younger boy was shocked, but quickly pulled himself together and kissed back. The kiss started slow and sweet, but it quickly turned desperate and needy, and rightfully so after how long they have both wanted this.

With a sudden feeling of bravery, Calum slipped one of his legs over onto the other side of Ashton, successfully straddling the older boy's waist. Ashton's hands traveled down Calum's back to grab his ass just as the younger boy's hands tangled in Ashton's curls, making them both moan into each other's mouths.

A few minutes passed and finally they gave in to their need for some air so, reluctantly, the two pulled away from each other. Dark whiskey brown, met light glimmering hazel as their eyes locked. They just stared at each other for a moment, catching their breath, before a huge smile broke out on Ashton's face, Calum's following suit. They began to laugh as Ashton held Calum closer and the younger boy wrapped his arms around Ashton's neck. They quietened down after a while, soon just holding each other.

"I didn't think I could take another minute of that sexual tension," Calum joked, but he was serious, if Ashton hadn't done that he hoped he would have.

"Well I definitely couldn't," Calum leant back just a bit to look Ashton in the eyes again, "I really like you, Calum, I don't care that we're not eighteen and don't have our soulmate tattoos yet. I like you a lot."

Calum smiled, but not just any smile, it was probably the most genuine, happy smile he had even worn in his life so far, and it was just for Ashton.

"I like you a lot too. I've liked you since the first day we 'bumped' into each other,” Calum replied, a warm, safe feeling spreading throughout his body.

They both laughed at that.

And when Ashton stopped laughing and smiled his perfect smile at what Calum had just admitted, the older boy once again reminded him of the sun. Ashton's smile was contagious, it was almost impossible not to smile when he did. He had this aura about him too, like the whole world could revolve around him, maybe Calum's world did. He was so positive and so beautiful and to Calum he was everything. Calum was sure Ashton was his soulmate, because how could you feel this way about someone if they weren't?

-

On his 18th birthday, Ashton woke up with a smile. That was, before the nerves hit him. What if Calum wasn't his soulmate? What if him and Calum weren't meant to be? He wanted Calum's name to be on his skin so bad. He hadn't admitted this to Calum yet, or to anyone but himself, but he was in love with the boy and if the younger boy wasn't his soulmate his heart would be broken.

Ashton anxiously removed his shirt, that seemed like the place to start, and walked to his mirror. He instantly saw the start of a name leading down his right hip bone. The letters visible were 'C' 'a' 'l' but he didn't want to get his hopes up before seeing the whole name. He pulled his pants lower down on his hips to reveal both his hip bones completely and the full name of his soulmate tattoo. A huge, ecstatic yet relieved, smile broke out on his face. The name, in a beautiful fancy script, read _'Calum Hood'_.

The older boy was over the moon, Calum was his soulmate. They were gonna spend their lives together and grow old together and Ashton had never been happier in his entire life. Maybe this would be like the fairytales. Maybe this would turn out to be exactly like Calum's way of thinking about the soulmate system and be their happily ever after. Maybe Ashton was wrong to ever doubt or fear the soulmate system.

 

Little did Ashton know he wasn't the only one to be extremely nervous that morning. Calum had barely slept that night and after waking up still tired, all he could do was think. What if someone else's name was on Ashton's skin? What if he got left behind? Forgotten about? His feelings unrequited?

Before those thoughts could go any further, Calum got two texts. He grabbed his phone off his nightstand and read them immediately. It was Ashton.

**9:02 am**  
 _Morning Cal_ ❤️

_Can you come over for breakfast? xxx_

Calum was supposed to be going over to Ashton's later for the huge party the older boy was throwing. He was going to get there earlier but now it looks like 'earlier' would mean 10 hours earlier. The younger boy was even more nervous now, even though the kisses on the end of the text should mean something good, he couldn't help but think the worst. He had to prepare himself, just in case this was actually a 'hey Cal, I've got another person's name on my skin now so we can't be together anymore, but can we still be friends?' Calum knew he wouldn't ever be able to handle that, no matter how long he prepared. But this had to be done.

**9:05 am**  
 _Morning Ash_ ❤️

_And yeah be there in a bit xxx_

Once he had sent the messages he quickly got ready, brushing his teeth and slightly styling his hair. He then put on his 'ARMY' muscle tee and of course black skinny jeans, before slipping on his vans and slipping out the door.

-

Calum had gotten to Ashton's house in a daze and before he knew it stood at the Irwin's front door, he didn't really know how long he'd been standing there for. Maybe just seconds. But it felt like hours before he finally rang the door bell. Ashton opened the door with a warm smile, he pulled the younger boy into a hug and kissed his cheek lovingly. He then walked to his bedroom, Calum following close behind even though he could walk through Ashton's house in the pitch black darkness of night, he knew it that well.

"I have something to show you. I was gonna wait but I just can't. This can't wait," Ashton babbled as they entered his room. The older boy shut his door behind them and locked it before pulling his shirt over his head.

"Ash, what are you—" Calum started before his eyes locked with what he'd been hoping and dreaming to see.

Ashton's jeans hung low on his hips, low enough to reveal Calum's full name. The younger boy was speechless. Calum felt honoured to have his name on this amazing, beautiful boy in front of him. He moved closer and slowly traced his name on Ashton's right hip bone with his fingers.

He wore a warm smile on his face and when he looked up at Ashton, the older boy was wearing the same smile. At that moment, everything was perfect. Calum brought his lips to Ashton's in a searing kiss and wrapped his arms around the curly haired boy's neck, the older boy's hands resting on Calum's waist and rubbing up and down Calum's back. They broke apart, leaning their foreheads against each other's, this moment wasn't about lust is was about love and the promise of forever.

"I love you, Calum Hood." Ashton whispered between them, but not like a secret, more like a breathless statement full of admiration.

"I love you too, Ashton Irwin... And I can't wait to get my soulmate tattoo so I can have your name forever on my skin."

Usually they would have laughed if they heard someone say something cheesy like that. But in this moment, it was perfect. Nothing was wrong or bad in the world to them because all that mattered was being close to each other and breathing each other in.

 

—

 

Under two years later the boy's decided, quite spontaneously, to move to LA together. Calum had dropped out of school to pursue his love for music and possibly create a career for himself, so moving to LA with Ashton seemed like a good move for that. The younger boy also started working at a music store that sold instruments, CD's and records to be able to pay the rent with his boyfriend. Ashton was accepted into a university after he had taken a gap year from school, studying music, so often he would come home and tell Calum everything he did that day in class. They wanted to start a band together, they had for a while, but had never got around to it. Maybe after Calum's birthday and the school year was over they could? Ashton had thought that to himself a few times, mainly as an excuse though. If only he knew what was to come with Calum's birthday. If only...  
-

Calum peeled open his eyes and blinked against the late morning light. His head was resting on a firm, smooth chest. An arm was around him, keeping him close. Warmth radiated off the body he was against. Calum smiled before kissing a tan collarbone.

Ashton lovingly smiled down at the younger boy as he brushed his long fingers through Calum's dark hair.

"Happy birthday, baby," Ashton said in a low, gravelly morning voice, Calum loved Ashton's voice in the morning.

The younger boy looked up at his boyfriend and leaned in to kiss him. It was a slow, passionate kiss. They broke apart with matching smiles, eyes so full of love. But suddenly realisation damned on Calum, it was his birthday! He was 18 today and Ashton's name would finally be on his skin.

Calum smiled widened as he raced out of bed and to the mirror in the bathroom. He was wearing red plaid pyjama pants, and a grey tee shirt. Calum quickly ripped his clothes off and searched the front of himself in the mirror. He saw Ashton lean against the doorframe behind him in the mirror, the older of the two had a fond expression on his face but that quickly fell. Thoughts were crashing around like tidal waves in Ashton's head.

Calum didn't understand Ashton's sudden stiffness. The older boy looked like his world had just shattered around him, the pieces cutting into his skin as they fell like glass. Calum turned to him, but Ashton’s eyes moved to stare at his back in the mirror, causing Calum to look at his back in the mirror...

"No. No, that's impossible. Ashton—"

But Ashton wasn't in the doorway anymore, he was back in their bedroom, standing at the foot of the bed, staring at the wall. Tears were in his hazel eyes, making them glow.

"Ash..." Calum whispered as the tears in his own eyes spilled down his cheeks, the younger boy wrapped his arms around Ashton’s waist from behind, "this is some kind of sick joke, I love y—"

"Yeah, a sick joke on me," Ashton spoke, his voice was heavy with heartbreak and thick with tears.

"No, Ash. You're my soulmate, you always have been and always will be—" Calum shook his head and pressed his damp face into Ashton's back.

"Calum," Ashton turned around in Calum's arms, "you're my soulmate... But I'm not _yours_."

They were silent for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. Both boys were clinging to each other with tear stained cheeks and Calum was breathing hard.

"Fuck the universe! Ashton, no. I love you so fucking much—"

This time Calum cut himself off as he smashed his lips to Ashton's, the curly haired boy kissing back just as roughly. Things heated up more as Ashton's hands ran up Calum's naked chest and pushed the younger boy back on the bed.  
The curly haired boy was about to pounce on Calum, attack him with his lips, mark him, show everyone that Calum was his. But that's when he paused, he wasn't Calum's soulmate— Calum had a soulmate, he had someone who he should _really_ be with, and that wasn't Ashton.

That was the moment Ashton made the hardest decision he had ever made in his life so far.

"I can't— god, Calum. I can't do this. I'm not your soulmate. So... You should just go find them. G-go be happy," Ashton backed away, his hands behind his head.

Calum leapt up from the bed, "no, I don't want to. I’m happy with you. I want you. I'm your soulmate."

"Calum— _You are my soulmate_... You are my soulmate and... I love you so much it-it hurts... But the name on your skin it's not mine. _I'm not yours_ ," Ashton repeated as tears streamed freely down his face, he couldn't keep looking at Calum, at his expression, at his face, his body, any of him. Because he couldn't have Calum, not when Calum has someone else out there looking for him. So Ashton grabbed a duffel bag out of their closet and started stuffing it with some of his clothes, he obviously couldn't fit all of them, and wiped the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand. But the tears kept flowing so Ashton ceased his efforts and let them fall.

Ashton never once in his life thought he'd ever even consider doing this. He never thought he'd do what his father did. He never thought he'd leave his soulmate. He thought this was his happy ending. He was wrong. He shouldn't have believed it, he was right to fear the soulmate system, because fairytales are just that, aren't they? Fairytales.

"Ash... Ashton please..." Calum grabbed his arm, "what are you doing?"

"Find him, Calum. That's who you're meant to be with, not me. I'm just some kind of unlucky third wheel, an obstacle. I'm in your way. So I'm getting out of it," Ashton had stuffed as much as he could into the duffle bag, he hastily zipped it up then pulled a grey tee shirt over his head as well as some black jeans and army boots.

He sat on the bed to tie the laces as quickly as he could, but Calum straddled his lap as soon as he was done and wrapped his arms tightly around Ashton's shoulder's. Ashton couldn't help but clutch him tighter and burry his head in the younger boy's shoulder. From here though, Ashton could see _it_.

"Don't go— we can figure this out," Calum started to sob, "please. Please don't leave me."

"I'm doing this for you. Calum, please stop just let me go, you’re making this harder," Ashton stoked his soulmate's dark hair one last time and squeezed his eyes shut.

"I don't want you to go, I don’t want you out of my life. I want to make it harder. I love you, soulmate or not," Ashton gently pulled Calum off him to look in his eyes. 

"Ashton," Calum whispered his name like a plea or prayer, it was hard to tell, maybe both.

Ashton stood with Calum still in his lap, making the other boy place his feet back on the floor. The older boy then pushed Calum, who was stilling trying to cling to him, away to grab the duffel bag, discarded on the floor, and ran a hand through his curls.

"Goodbye, Calum. I love you, so much more than you know, and I'll never stop," Calum reached out to him, but Ashton stepped back and began for the door.

The last words Ashton said to him were this,

"Find him, Cal. Find _Michael Clifford_."


	2. I wish I could've made you stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta love them angsty chapters

It pained Ashton to say those words. To tell his soulmate to be with someone else. It was the hardest sentence he had ever said in his life. His back hit the front door as soon as he stepped out of it, not knowing that Calum was the same way on the other side. More tears streamed down his face, they dropped onto the cotton of his shirt, making small dark spots on the material.

After a moment he pulled himself together, he wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand and promised himself he wouldn't cry again until he figured out where to go. They had moved to LA together, apart from a few collage friends, Ashton didn't have anyone here to go to. But Ashton didn't want to go to his collage friends, he didn't want to face them, he didn't want them asking about him and Calum— especially Calum. He didn't want to think about anything. He wanted something different, something new. He couldn't say here.

So Ashton, after walking for about half an hour deciding what to do, called a cab.

"Where to?" The cab driver, a middle aged man with greying black hair and blue eyes, said to Ashton with a friendly smile. Which surprised Ashton— cabbies were often rude or at least didn't smile.

"The airport."

 

—

 

Calum was a mess. He had basically trashed the apartment in a rage. How could the universe be so _cruel_? What did Ashton do to deserve this? What did he do? He should’ve run out the door after him, but something just made him stay. _Michael Clifford_ , a voice in Calum’s head supplied.

Calum sat on the floor of their bedroom, his back against the wall and head leaning back as what started as angry tears ended in tears of despair as they ran down his face in constant rivers. He was still only in boxers, but he decided to change that, getting up he retrieved one of Ashton's shirts off the floor where he had thrown it along with everything else in the closet. He was about to pick up the shirt when he saw Ashton's leather jacket, Calum put his arms through the sleeves and hugged the jacket to himself. Ashton wore this jacket so much, it was permanently infused with his scent, spice and sweat and... _sunshine_. If that could be a smell. It would be Ashton. Calum cried harder.

 

—

 

Ashton stared at the plane ticket he had just purchased, his hand was shaking, he wasn't sure if this was a huge mistake but he couldn't go home and he couldn't stay in LA.

"Last call for flight 1452 to Chicago," The lady announced over the speakers.

So with a deep breath, Ashton went.

-

As soon as Ashton got out of the plane he could tell Chicago was much different from LA. The people, the streets, the air, the feeling... This was were he was gonna start a new life. He left collage behind without explanation to the school or his friends. He even left his phone back at his and Calum's apartment; which he did on purpose. Ashton didn't want anyone to contact him, he didn't want anything familiar, he would contact his mother sooner or later. She would no doubt be worried as soon as she found out. Calum might even call her—

That's where Ashton stopped his train of thought. _No Calum_. If Ashton wanted to start fresh he had to forget his soulmate, as impossible as that sounded, it was the only way he would ever find a glimpse of happiness again.

So Ashton called a cab and headed to a hotel. As he got out of the car and grabbed his bag on arrival at the nearest hotel, he handed the driver the cash he owed with a small, fake, smile. Ashton pulled his thin jacket tighter around him when making his way to the door of the hotel, it was cold in Chicago, he would go and buy some new clothes tomorrow. From there he would need to get a job and a more permanent place to live—

"Standard room, sir?" Ashton realised he was standing at the front desk of the hotel and awkwardly nodded his head.

"Uh, yes please."

-

After getting his room key and paying for a week, the curly haired boy made his way to his room, closing the door behind him he dropped his bag and walked over to the bed, collapsing on it. This was when the tears started again, this is what he promised himself, that he wouldn't cry until he was alone.

For hours they didn't stop, the tears wouldn't stop coming and Ashton was beyond the point of caring. But they eventually did stop, like everything does, and Ashton, now back in reality, let himself realise how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten today at all. So deciding to go out, Ashton searched his bag for his leather jacket he always wore. After a minute more of digging through his few personal items and clothes, he didn't find it. He'd left it behind. A part of Ashton was saddened by this, but another part of him was glad. Calum loved that jacket on him.

Hastily grabbing a black sweater he had brought, he pulled it over his head and pocketed his room key and wallet, walking out of his hotel room.

 

—

 

Calum reached for his phone, it was on his bedside table but had fallen to the floor when he was trashing the apartment, and clicked Ashton's name. The dark haired boy put the phone to his ear, but as soon as it started ringing, another noise was heard from the living room. Calum ran out and over to the coffee table where, under a newspaper, Ashton's phone was lit with Calum's name and a picture of them. He remembered Ashton taking that photo, they were lying in bed together and Calum was sleepy, his head was on Ashton's chest, so Ashton decided to take a cute picture of them. The older boy was smiling down at Calum with so much love it hurt Calum's heart.

He hung up his phone that was still to his ear and grabbed Ashton's. Of course Ashton left his phone. How would he contact him now? Is that what he wanted?..

As the realisation hit Calum, so did the floor, as Calum collapsed. The collision hurt but Calum couldn't feel any physical pain right now, not when he was on fire inside. He couldn't breathe, it felt like his heart had finally shattered in his chest and the shards had pieced his lungs in the process. Ashton really meant to never see him again. He would never see Ashton, the love of his life, his _soulmate_ , he didn't care what the universe said, ever again.

Calum rolled onto his side and curled up in a ball, clutching Ashton's jacket so tight he loosened his grip in fear he would tear it somehow. Later he would change out of the jacket in fear of ruining it and put on one of Ashton's plaid shirts instead.

 

—

 

Ashton decided to go to the little diner right next to his hotel. He got a simple cheeseburger and fries. After finishing the greasy diner food, he remembered passing by a bar in the cab on the way to the hotel, without thinking too much Ashton left some money on the table and left the small establishment.

On the walk there he passed his hotel again and a few more stores, one that sold old antique furniture, another a flower shop and next to that a little cafe. It looked pretty home-y through the window, although the lights were off since it was closed, with its mismatched chairs and lounges and old oak tables. That was when Ashton saw a hand written sign in the corner of the large glass front window; HELP WANTED.

That was a possibility, wasn't it? Ashton liked the place so far. Maybe he would come back tomorrow and apply for a job here. Calum and him always liked this one little cafe around the corner from their apartment— Ashton started walking again, pushing that thought away and heading towards the bar that was now in sight.

 

—

 

Calum couldn't bring himself to eat. After laying on the floor of his living room for what could have been minutes, hours, days, Calum didn't know, he went back into the bedroom and got under the covers of the bed. He was lying on Ashton's side, his face in Ashton's pillow, breathing in Ashton's scent that was still strong. Calum didn't want to think about when that would fade, when everything in their apartment would only smell of him, when the only evidence Calum didn't live here alone were the picture frames and small trinkets that Ashton just had to have and the clothes that weren't Calum's and the second phone that was currently on the floor of the living room.

Calum closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep, only to wake a few hours later from a nightmare and not being able to fall back asleep. It had been almost 17 hours since Ashton left, Calum had somehow counted the hours in his head, where was the older boy now? Was he okay?

But that was when a small tiny light of hope switched on in his chest. He ripped the sheets off himself and ran back out to the living room, grabbing his phone off the coffee table this time.

Dialling the number he waited for a few moments before a small voice picked up the phone on the other end.

" _Hello?_ " The voice said, it was young, the voice of a child.

"Hey Harry, it's Calum, is your mum there?"

" _Hey Calum! Yeah she is, hey isn't calling from LA to Sydney really expensive—_ "

Calum heard the phone shifting from Harry's grasp to someone else's, presumably Ashton's mum.

" _Calum? Is everything okay? It's, what, 3am in LA right now?_ "

"Is Ashton there with you?" Calum already knew the answer by how Anne greeted him, but he still needed to ask.

" _No hunny. Is everything okay? What happened? Is Ashton okay?_ " Anne sounded very concerned.

"E-everything's fine. We just- we just had a fight but I'm sure he'll come home. Don't worry. Sorry to bother you, Anne."

With that Calum hung up the phone before Anne could say anything. She probably wanted to wish him a happy birthday and ask why soulmates would be “fighting” like after Ashton’s name was finally on his skin... He wasn't sure why he lied, for Ashton's sake he guessed, it wasn't his right to tell the other boy's mother what had happened. But after saying 'everything's _fine_ ' which was so far from the truth, he had to end the call. He couldn't talk anymore. He couldn't think anymore.

Calum dropped the phone on the way back to his room, it landed right next to Ashton's on the floor. He would, for once, be glad they had carpet but he couldn't bring himself to care that the phones weren't smashed. In fact he would probably rather it if they were, he didn't think he'd pick them up for a while anyway.

 

—

 

Ashton’s throat burned, that was the fifth shot he had just downed, and to say he was tipsy was an understatement. He was sitting at the bar, on one of the rickety old stools, two seats away from the next person either side of him. He had already had two beers on top of that and was starting a third when the woman next to him, a short girl with a bright blue pixie cut and a few visible tattoos on her shoulders and arms and thighs, moved from her stool to the stool next to him with a sad smile. Her tattoos weren't overly huge, just a few here and there, but it suited her. Ashton immediately noticed the roses outline on her shoulder.

"Break up?" She asked casually.

Ashton stared at her for a moment before answering, "is it obvious?"

"Well, not exactly," she looked deeper in his eyes for a moment, "let's just say I’m good at reading people... And also I relate,” she turned back to her drink, taking a sip.

Ashton didn't know what to say to that, his brain was already mush for the events of today and crying so hard and now with all the alcohol he's consumed he doesn't know how to respond. So he looked away and took another sip of his beer, mirroring her.

"I guess you are good at reading people," is what he decided to go with.

The girl laughed, "I'm Ashley," she— Ashley introduced herself with a friendly smile on her rosy pink lips.

"Ashton," he offered back, trying to match her smile and failing completely.

"Well look at that. Ash and Ash, " Ashley raised her own drink to cheers with Ashton.

"What are the chances," Ashton tried to joke as he lifted his beer to meet hers.

"So you wanna talk about it?" Ashley put her drink back down on the bar.

"Talk about what?" Ashton really didn't know what she was talking about, the alcohol was slowing is brain.

"Why you came here. The reason you're drinking."

"Why would you care? You're a stranger."

Ashley looked down at her drink then back up at him. A small smirk was on her face. "Well sometimes when people get really drunk they talk about their problems with strangers because they never have to see them again."

And that's how Ashton spilled all his problems and deep sadness to a blue haired stranger who listened and tried to make him feel some-what better.

He told Ashley everything, how he and Calum had met, to how the morning of Calum's birthday had turned from what should have been one of the happiest days of their life to the worst day of his life. Strangely it helped, telling someone, Ashton still felt broken but now not totally alone. It was good to talk to someone new, someone who was never in his life before. And when the night was over, and he had had far too many drinks, Ashley had helped him back to his hotel and left her phone number (on the note book stationary the hotel provided when she found out he didn't have his phone) in case he ever needed to talk to someone, as well as a little note: _First day in Chicago and you’ve already made a friend, I’d say you’re doing pretty good - Ashley_

Ashton ripped his clothes off after saying bye to Ashley and locking the door. He almost tripped over his own feet, but managed to get out of his black skinny jeans leaving him in only his underwear. Like that he fell onto the bed and under the covers. He was wasted and all he wanted to do was sleep, but right before that came he had one final thought. One of Calum. One of his smile, his real genuine smile that Ashton seemed to pull out of him. The one that had his eyes crinkling and his cheeks burning with how wide and happy it was. The thought faded away as sleep consumed Ashton. Just as Ashton needed all memories of Calum to. Ashton needed to move on, he couldn't live like that, thinking about Calum every moment of every day.

He had to find a way to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist putting halsey in this, next chapter we will meet a certain blonde penguin ;))


	3. smoke in your lungs

Calum wasn't sure whether to ask around about Ashton, to ask the older boy's collage friends and other friends they'd made while in LA, he really just didn't know what to do. Considering Ashton left his phone, Calum didn't know if that was an accident though, he didn't seem to want to be found. Calum just kept hoping that Ashton forgot his phone and would come back to get it so he could convince him to stay. If only Calum knew how far away the other boy already was...

Calum got up from bed and searched his bottom bedside table draw until he found what he was looking for; his pack of cigarettes. He quit a while ago because Ashton didn't like it, but he hadn't thrown out this packet, instead keeping it in the back of his draw under a few papers and other random things. He also kept a lighter there.

Placing a cigarette between his lips, he lit it with his lighter, inhaling the smoke into his lungs before breathing it out in one long puff. It made a Calum feel a bit better, so he repeated this, right here in his and Ashton's bedroom, until he was finished with it. He placed the cigarette butt in a tea cup on the bedside table that had been there for a few days, not that Calum cared or intended to do anything about it.

It was almost 3 in the afternoon when Calum finally left the bedroom, his stomach was rumbling, so he made his way to the kitchen. Opening the fridge Calum found that there was nothing to eat, only some milk and a few random vegetables, they were supposed to do food shopping today... Him and Ashton always did their food shopping on a Sunday to be ready for the week ahead.

Slamming the fridge shut Calum chucked on some skinny jeans that were hastily thrown over the back of the couch and grabbed his keys and wallet. As an afterthought he picked up his phone off the floor. _What if Ashton called from a pay phone?_ Calum pushed down that thought though, just as he pushed his phone into his back pocket. The dark haired boy kept on Ashton's plaid shirt, he didn't care it wasn't too clean and was crinkled from sleeping in it.

Once Calum was out of the apartment building and breathing in the fresh air (that wasn't really too fresh) he felt slightly better and slightly worse. Trying to clear his head he began his short walk down to the little cafe he and Ashton often went to. But as Calum reached the door to the cafe, he stopped, this was him and Ashton's thing. Now he was on his own. So instead of entering, he kept walking. He wasn't too sure how much time had passed before he stumbled upon a retro diner next to an old music store he'd never seen before, he’d have to check that out some other time.

Calum decided that he had walked far enough and opened the door to the diner. The diner had booths up and down the left side with tables quite randomly placed around the rest of the floor with chestnut chairs. At the back was the counter with the kitchen behind. There wasn't too many people in the small establishment and Calum liked it that way. He took a seat at the small table near the window at the front of the diner. There was a single orange tulip in a tall thin vase in the centre of the table, looking around, Calum noticed there was one flower like this on each table in this place. Each flower though, was a different kind and/or colour, it made Calum smile. The smile fell from his face immediately when he turned to look at the seat in front of him, instinctively turning to where Ashton should have been to share his happiness with him. Ashton would have loved this place.

"Hey hunny, what can I get ya?" Calum broke out of his reverie when the waitress, a woman in her late thirties with orange/red hair and a mustard waitress dress, came to take his order. Calum smiled in apology for his late response and with a quick glance at the menu ordered bacon and eggs off their all day breakfast section with some coffee and a thanks.

The waitress smiled at him and took his menu that he didn't even read. Once she left, Calum looked out the window. He watched the people and cars passing by. He watched one couple, a cute, short, blonde girl with her small hand in her partner’s large one. Her partner, a tall man with toffee skin, smiled down at her. They must have been soulmates, Calum thought, there was so much love in their eyes. Calum wondered if that's how he looked when he gazed at Ashton, he was pretty sure is was his expression exactly, but Ashton wasn't his soulmate. No matter how much he wanted the older boy to be.

 

—

 

The pain pounded in Ashton's head like a constant drum. Groaning, Ashton rolled over onto his stomach in his hotel bed, he blindly reached across to the other side only to find it cold. Ashton lifted his head from his pillow and looked to the other side of the bed, then, remembering yesterday, he looked around the room. All that really happened, he's alone, in a hotel room, in Chicago. He left his soulmate, the love of his life, the one person who gave him purpose. Now he felt empty, he felt like nothing.

Ashton pushed his emotions back as much as he could and looked at the clock beside him on the bedside table. It read; 10:37 AM. Time for him to start his new life- after some aspirin of course.

After taking some aspirin with a bottle of water from the mini fridge in his room, Ashton quickly showered and brushed his teeth. He dressed to look decent enough in some black skinnies and a thin grey pull over jumper. He was going to go back to that little cafe and try to get a job there, he needed to be able to fund this impulsive move of his.

As soon as Ashton stepped outside and the cold Chicago air washed over him he shivered. This reminded him to go get some new clothes later. But right now he needed to try and get this job otherwise he would definitely run out of money soon.

Ashton started on his short walk to the homely little cafe he saw yesterday. He passed a few people on the streets, a little brunette girl and her mother, a cute lesbian couple smiling and swinging their intertwined hands between them, and an old man holding a newspaper and a bunch of flowers. Ashton didn't think too much about the people he passed like he usually would have. He often entertained Calum with stories he would make up about people that passed them on the street. But not today. Ashton wouldn't think about how that mother might be a single mother to her little girl, that maybe her partner might have died, that maybe they left them like his father left, or that maybe they were waiting for them at home. Ashton wouldn't think about how happily in love the two girls he passed were and how that used to be him and Calum. And Ashton definitely wouldn't think about the old man with the flowers and how they were probably for his wife or husband who he'd been with for 50 years and how he'd never get that...

Before Ashton knew it he was standing in front of the cafe, the sign was still in the window which was good, it looked so much different yet the same as it had when he had seen it closed last night. The small, round, old oak tables were scattered around the space with the same mismatched chairs he'd seen yesterday. The left corner of the small store was taken up with equally mismatched lounges and an oak coffee table. The counter and kitchen to the other corner.

Ashton opened the door, a little bell signalling his entrance, and let it fall shut behind him. As he walked to the counter he noticed the retro pictures here and there on the walls, along with little ornaments, he liked it here.

"Good morning sir, what can I get for you?" The boy from behind the counter said. His blonde hair was styled into a quiff and his lip was pierced with a black lip ring.

Ashton's eyes met the blonde boy's for a second. The boy's eyes were bright blue, wow he was really beautiful, Ashton almost forgot about his situation for a second as he stared into those eyes, almost.

"Oh, right, um. I was actually just wanting to inquire about the help wanted sign in the window," Ashton rubbed the back of his neck for second before acting nonchalant and normal once again.

"You'd like to apply for the position?" The blonde asked Ashton with a slight blush but a friendly smile. Ashton didn't really think anything of it.

"Yes. I'd love to work here."

"Great! I'll go get the manager then, she'll probably be able to interview you straight away," Quiff boy smiled and was about to turn away when he remembered something, "oh and I'm Luke by the way," he blushed again.

"I’m Ashton. Nice to meet you," Ashton smiled, dimples on full display, it didn't feel completely fake which kind of surprised the curly haired boy.

With one last smile Luke turned away and went into the back to fetch the manager. Two minutes later he was back with a short woman who had curly dark brown hair.

"Hey Ashton, I'm Maria. Come on back here, I can interview you now," The woman smiled.

So with a deep breath, why was he nervous? Ashton followed Maria into the back, past the small kitchen, and into her tiny office. They both took a seat and Ashton decided to start.

"So, I wasn't sure if I needed a resume or something."

"Don't stress, Ashton. This is a small business, just tell me about yourself," Maria seemed friendly enough.

"Well, my name’s Ashton Irwin. I'm originally from Sydney, Australia, but I've lived in LA for a little while and now I've just moved here to Chicago."

"Was there any reason you moved?"

_Yes. One big reason. I'm not my soulmate's soulmate. The love of my life is destined for another._

"Just a change of scenery I guess. It wasn't really planned," Ashton answered, no need for his big sob story.

"Spontaneous?"

"I’m not usually, but this time I guess so," Ashton forced a laugh.

"Okay, so do you have any training? Have you ever worked at a cafe or bakery or restaurant before?"

"I worked at a fast food restaurant, KFC, back in high school in Australia. I’ve never worked in a cafe before but I'm a fast learner."

Maria looked at Ashton for a second, thinking, before she smiled and spoke. "Okay, you got the job. No funny business. Luke will give you your apron and schedule and teach you the basics. Your first shift is tomorrow at 8am. Congratulations Ashton."

The curly haired boy stared at her in disbelief for a second, "that's it? Oh my god, thank you! Thank you so much, you won't regret it," Ashton shook her hand.

"We will have lots of time to get to know each other better, but you seem like a good, responsible person and that's all I need," she led them out of her office after shaking hands and back into the main cafe space, back to Luke.

"Luke, we have a new employee. I expect you to show him the ropes and make him feel welcome."

Ashton and Luke locked eyes once again.

"I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the pace will pick up soon, 
> 
> We are still in them sad boi hours rn... But ayy Lukey has made his appearance and seems to have taken a liking to his new co-worker already ;))


	4. before I knew it, it was serious

When Calum returned home after eating his breakfast all alone he immediately stripped out of his clothes and went back to bed. But as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, sleep wouldn't come. It had been about an hour or two now of nothing but wide awake thoughts and feelings that wouldn't wash away with the unconsciousness of sleep. This was when Calum made a choice, a small choice, that little did he know would change his life forever. He chose to get up, get out of bed, and go out.

It was almost 8 o'clock as Calum walked the streets of LA once again. He wasn't really sure where he was going this time but he couldn't stay in the apartment any longer, not when the remnants of Ashton were everywhere he looked.

In a split second decision Calum decided to enter a club, The Lair, he had passed it in the car countless times but had never actually ventured into it. It had a bright red neon sign and the line was fairly long but Calum wanted to do something crazy for once. He wanted to do something for himself. Or just to forget who he was for a little while.

After about half an hour Calum was finally at the front of the line. The bouncer, a big bulky guy with the sides of his head shaved and the rest of his hair slicked back down the centre of his head, gave him a look up and down, obviously checking to see if he looked sketchy.

"$30 bucks entry," Calum guessed he decided the heartbroken boy was harmless. Calum handed over the money without much thought and the bouncer let him through.

You could slightly hear the music from outside, but as soon as Calum stepped into the club through the big heavy doors that were shut again behind him, the music consumed him. He couldn’t hear anything else. The bass pumped through him, he could feel it through his whole body. As he got more used to it he could hear other things like talking, shouting and laughter. Calum decided to head to the bar first. The bar itself was packed, Calum squeezed in next to a chick with ink black hair and a nose piercing she appeared to be getting drinks for her and a few friends and was then gone carrying two glasses in each hand, that was when another person came into view. A guy, with bright red hair, emerald green eyes and an eyebrow piercing. He was standing on the other side of where the girl used to be, just one body space away from Calum, and Calum couldn't take his eyes off him. Until of course the guy looked his way and Calum freaked out which led him to turn away and try get the bartenders attention.

"The service here is pretty slow,” came a voice from behind him, Calum had never heard this voice before but he knew who it was instantly. He could feel it, and that kind of scared him.

Calum turned around and faced the red haired boy, a smirk was on said boy's bright lips and his pierced eyebrow was slightly raised.

"Thanks for the tip," Calum said back and cringed inwardly. This just made the other boy's smirk grow.

"You're welcome. I'm Alex."

"Calum."

"Well Calum," Alex signalled the bar tender over and Calum only slightly loved the way Alex said his name, "you look like a newby here, let me buy you a drink."

Calum really didn't know what to say, he had never done this before, never alone. No stranger has ever bought him a drink before. He's always been with Ashton, always had Ashton by his side to protect him and guide him.

"Two shots of tequila," Alex said to the bartender who poured them and slid them over. Alex grabbed one of them and gave the other to Calum.

"To new experiences," Alex toasted, holding his shot out to Calum. Calum picked up his shot glass and clinked it with Alex's. Alex then downed the shot to which, with slight hesitation, Calum followed.

"I can already tell this is gonna be a good night."

 

—

 

Ashton's first day at the cafe went pretty well. Luke taught him how to make a cappuccino and how to stack plates and cups the right way on a tray before carrying it to and from customers. All in all, Ashton was doing pretty well with his new job so far, at least that's what Luke kept telling him.

His first day was almost over now, he was wiping down a few tables when Luke came up to him.

"You've done really good today, Ashton," the curly haired boy stopped what he was doing and turned to face Luke, matching the younger boy’s little, sweet, smile.

"I guess I'm just a fast learner," Ashton joked. Luke blushed lightly but quickly composed himself.

"So, me and a couple of my friends are going out to grab dinner in about half an hour. You wanna come? I just thought ‘cause you're new to the city and all."

"Uh, yeah," Ashton nodded with a surprised smile, "that'd be cool I guess. I don't really know anyone yet." Ashton accepted because really, what else did he have to do; go back to his hotel room alone. Besides, Luke seemed cool. A little socially awkward, but cool.

"Great! Ha-" Luke rubbed the back of his neck, "um- we'll meet outside in half an hour then?"

Ashton smiled again, holding back a laugh, "yeah sounds good."

So Ashton stayed back after his shift was over and waited for Luke outside. He could have waited inside and sat at one of the tables or on one of the lounges, it wasn't too busy right now, but instead he leant against the brick wall next to the window of the cafe. The boredom he felt during that time reminded him he needed to get a new phone, but at least he went shopping yesterday after the interview and got some warmer clothes. He pulled the black material of his new jacket tighter around him just because he could.

"Hey, sorry for the wait," Luke stepped out the door, he was wearing black skinny jeans, black vans, a white band tee shirt and a leather jacket. Okay he looked hot, but Ashton would never admit that. Not right now. Not just yet. Besides, Luke probably has someone's name on his skin somewhere, Ashton didn't want to think of him in any other way than as just a friend. It's been two days damn it. Two days since he left LA and the love of his life behind. Little did he know what the love of his life was up to back in LA.

 

—

 

Calum's head pounded, it was the only thing he could think, feel, and hear in the moments before he slowly opened his eyes. He honestly didn't want to open them, but his body had decided to wake up now and he couldn't fight it any longer. The first thing Calum noticed was how bright it was, the blinds were wide open on the huge floor to ceiling windows next to his bed— wait a second, he didn't have floor to ceiling windows and— _holy fuck_ this wasn't his bed.

Calum sprang upright on the unfamiliar bed but immediately regretted it when his head hurt even more profusely. Calum clutched his head and squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

Suddenly he heard a groan from his right and cautiously turned to the source of the sound. It was Alex from last night, _fuck_ he could barely remember last night at all, luckily Alex didn't wake up. He just made another, quieter, sound and rolled over so his back was to Calum.

This was Calum's chance to sneak out before the red haired boy woke up. _Okay, shirt, shoes, wallet, phone, Ashton's jacket..._ Calum held the leather material in his hand for a second longer before looking for his jeans. They had to be around here somewhere. Calum finally spotted them across the room and walked over slowly and as silently as he could to get them. As he picked them up though, a wallet fell out of the back pocket and from the wallet an ID. So these weren't his jeans... Dropping the jeans back on the floor he retrieved the wallet and ID from the floor intending to put the card back inside the wallet when he noticed the name on the ID as well as a picture of Alex. Except Alex's name wasn't on the card. Another name was claiming to be the red haired boy's.

Michael Clifford.

MICHAEL _FUCKING_ CLIFFORD.

The name that was on his skin. The name that ruined his relationship with Ashton. The name that apparently belonged to the boy he slept with last night. The name of the boy who was still asleep. The name of the boy who said his name was 'Alex'.

The name of his _soulmate_.

Calum dropped the items in his hands back on the floor. And in a trance somehow managed to find his jeans, throw all his clothes on and get out of there before Alex— or well MICHAEL CLIFFORD woke up.

Later Calum would wonder why Michael used a fake name. He would also wonder, and kick himself for it, if Michael had his name on his skin. And if so, did he even wonder what Calum's last name was to find out if he was his soulmate? It's not like Calum had used a fake name...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;))


	5. lie to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks, my regular updates every Sunday will continue from this point xx

The atmosphere of the restaurant and bar was consuming. At least to Ashton it was. It was a 90's music styled joint with bright red retro stools around the bar and booths with a matching colour scheme.

Luke gave Ashton a little nudge and gestured to a group of guys sitting in a booth towards the back, “there they are,” Luke waved over at his friends, a smile on his face, “come on, Ash.”

Ash, Luke called him _Ash_ , it gave him a funny butterfly feeling in his stomach which he tried his best to ignore.

They made their way over to the group of Luke’s friends, Luke leading the way.

“Lukey boy!” One of the guys at the table called and stood up to give him a bro hug. The man had short brown styled hair, beautiful sea green eyes (but not as beautiful as the blue of Luke’s eyes _AH ASHTON STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT_ ) and a British accent.

“Ashton, this is Louis,” Luke introduced him.

“Hey man,” Ashton smiled.

Before long Luke had introduced him to all the other guys at the table. There was Harry, who had the most luscious long brown hair and was also British. There was Liam, who was another styled brunette, and again British. Then there was Niall, he had short blonde hair and an, was that an Irish accent? Ashton thought so.

Later Ashton would make a joke only to Luke that they were in America, yet all his friends are foreigners. Then Luke would joke back that they themselves are too.

 

—

 

No. **No. NO.** This could not be happening. Calum’s soulmate was Ashton, mark or no mark, not this red-head who lied about his name and got into his pants. God, how could he be so stupid to think going out was a good idea?

As soon as Calum got home he took a shower but not even that could wash away what he had just done. He cheated on Ashton. Or wait, well I guess he didn’t, they aren’t technically together anymore... But Ashton is the only one he wants, right? And what would Ashton think if he heard this?

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Calum muttered to himself and slumped back into bed. Tears managed to form and fall down his cheeks which he almost laughed at, hasn’t he cried enough since Ashton left to last him a lifetime?

 

—

 

The drinks were flowing. All the guys had finished dinner but they stayed at their table instead of moving to the bar with Luke and Ashton being underage. Harry, Louis, Liam and Niall were all 21 and over and had bought them drinks, which probably wasn’t the best idea.

“Wait, so how old are you?” Ashton asked, directed at Luke.

“17, but I’ll be 18 on the 16th of July,” Luke smiled excitedly.

“Then you’ll finally be an adult,” Liam said, everyone knowing the real meaning.

Ashton had previously found out Harry and Louis were soulmates earlier in the night. He almost couldn’t believe Luke was only 17, without his soulmark yet. It made him feel a little better though. Luke doesn’t have someone out there yet, or well he does but he doesn’t know who yet. It made Ashton feel a bit better about his small, very small he told himself, crush on the blonde boy.

“How old are you?” Luke asked Ashton back.

“I’ll be 20 on the 7th of July,” Ashton answered him, “we are both July babies.”

“That’s so cool! We could have a party for both of us.”

This statement honestly should have been weird, they only just met. Yet it wasn’t, somehow. It made Ashton’s heart jump.

“Sounds good. It is quite a few months off though,” Ashton laughed.

“Yeah I guess, it is only February.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, Luke smiled, he smiled such a bright smile that made Ashton feel something he didn’t think he could feel with anyone else except Calum.

That’s when he knew he was in trouble, and he couldn’t help but think his heart would get broken again come July.

But he didn’t stop it.

He didn’t deny it. Not completely.

He smiled back.

 

—

 

_Ring ring_ , “Ashton!” Calum jumped awake, _ring ring_ , his phone was ringing, although... that didn’t really sound like his ring tone...

Calum picked the phone from the nightstand and recognised his own number lit up on the screen.

Cautiously, Calum answered, “hello?”

_“Hey Calum, it’s Alex,”_ Calum recognised the red head’s voice straight away, his voice was raspy, like he had only just woken up.

“A-Alex?” Or _Michael Clifford?_ Calum thought angrily.

_“Um yeah, look this is awkward, but when you left this morning you kinda took the wrong phone so...”_

“Yeah I got that,” Calum snapped back, this was his soulmate but to Michael he’s apparently just an average one night stand?

_“Dude, look—“_

“Where do you wanna meet to exchange the phones back?” Calum cut him off.

_“Uh— How about Java Bean? It’s this cute little cafe near—“_

“I know the one, be there soon.”

Calum hung up. That cafe... That was the cafe him and Ashton always went to... The one he couldn’t bring himself to enter the other day.

 

—

 

Laughter. If there was one word to describe the evening Ashton had, it would be laughter. The last time he laughed his hard he was back at home with Calum... This thought got him down and earned him a nudge in the shoulder.

Ashton looks up to find Luke staring back at him, of course it was Luke, the other’s had already gone home.

“You okay? You spaced out,” Luke looked genuinely worried.

“Yeah man, I’m fine,” Ashton responded, trying to sound nonchalant and reassuring at the same time.

“Okay, well are you ready to leave? I’ll order an Uber,” Luke didn’t look too convinced but let it go. They weren’t too drunk anymore, though still a little tipsy, Luke could tell Ashton wasn’t okay (hell, he could tell Ashton wasn’t okay since the moment he met him) but it wasn’t his place to push.

“Oh I- uh don’t live far... I can just walk,” Ashton wasn’t sure if he should tell Luke he was currently living in a hotel.

“Ashton, it’s no trouble, really.”

“Look Luke, I kinda... I’m living in a hotel right now,” Ashton looked to his shoes, “moving here... It wasn’t really planned and it was rushed and—“

“Please don’t feel like you need to explain yourself to me,” Luke cut him off.

Ashton looked up to find Luke smiling at him once again.

“Is it the hotel that’s about a block away from the cafe?”

“Uh- yeah,” Ashton smiled.

“I’ll walk you then.”

 

—

 

Calum threw on some clothes and did a once-over in the mirror. He looked like shit. His clothes crinkled, his hair a mess, his eyes red from crying and eye bags dark.

But Calum couldn’t find it in himself to care right now... Except wait a minute... Maybe he might care a bit. Michael was his soulmate and... There was a small part of him that wanted to look good for the other boy. But no. He- he just needed to get this over with.

With that Calum grabbed his keys and Michael’s phone and left.

The walk was short as always, and way too familiar. Calum stopped outside the door and looked inside. Michael was already there, sitting in one the booths towards the back. With all the strength he could muster, Calum opened the door and stepped inside. The cafe was the same as it always had been, of course it was, but it felt different.

Before Calum could think about it more, Michael was waving him over.

“Hey _Alex,_ ” Calum said sliding into the booth across from the red haired boy.


	6. look at me in the eye (is anyone there at all?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's kinda short my dudes (and a day late... but who's counting?hahahaimsorry)

“Hey Calum,” Michael smiled.

Calum rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and sat down across from the red-haired boy.

“So, this is a first for me. A one night stand who takes the wrong phone,” Michael laughed a little and spoke in a light tone.

“Yeah, um, sorry about that,” Calum put the other boy’s phone down on the table in front of him, “Michael,” Calum looked him in the eyes as said his real name.

Michael’s smooth, carefree, facade broke a second later as he stared back at Calum.

“Yeah, I know your name Michael Clifford, so why didn’t you want to know mine? My full name? Don’t you care about the soulmate system at all?” Calum kept going, not holding back all the heartbreak that filled his voice.

“What? The soulmate system? What does that have to do with this?” Michael looked serious, his eyes were wide with concern and confusion.

“I’m Calum Hood... I’m... My name isn’t written on your skin?” Calum looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“No... But- wait, _my_ name is on _your_ skin?” Michael stared at Calum in horror then sickly sweet sympathy.

“Y-yes...”

Calum couldn’t look Michael in the eyes, what was happening? Calum had just met _his_ soulmate but... _His_ soulmate’s soulmate wasn’t _him_. This hurt Calum’s head. How long did this go on for? First Ashton, now him? How could the universe be so cruel?

“Calum? Calum!” The dark haired boy snapped his attention to the emerald eyes in front of him, “hey, you completely zoned out...”

“Yeah, um... I gotta go,” Calum got out of his seat and began for the door, but a hand reached out and stopped him.

“Calum, you can’t just leave,” Michael pleaded but Calum wouldn’t meet his eyes, “we have to figure this out.”

“My boyfriend left because I didn’t have his name on my skin, and now this?! How are we gonna figure this out? Why do you even care?!” Calum started to raise his voice catching the stares of strangers in the establishment.

“Calum, calm down,” Michael led him outside, “you’re saying that this has happened to you before, but the other way around? Your boyfriend had your name?”

“Yes,” Calum answered, his teary eyes finally meeting Michael’s.

Michael stared at the tan boy for a second, not wanting to believe the situation that he found himself in with this boy and who knows how many others.

“Come on,” Michael finally said, “we’re going back to my place and we are gonna figure this out. I promise, Calum.”

 

—

 

The walk to Ashton’s hotel was mostly silent, yet it was comfortable, they were only acquaintances but something about Luke put Ashton at ease.

As they passed the small diner they both now worked at the two boys shared a smile and Luke broke the silence.

“I had a lot of fun tonight.”

Ashton smiled at Luke, he couldn’t not smile around this boy, “I had fun too, thank you for inviting me.”

“It was my pleasure,” Luke stupidly bowed as they walked, almost tripping over in the process and reminding him of how drunk they both still were. The hazel eyed boy automatically reached out and got a hold of Luke’s arm just in time.

“You gotta be more careful, Lucas,” Ashton scolded but gave away his fake seriousness as he giggled, his arms still around the taller, but lankier, boy.

“Well, if I have a knight in shining armour like you around, I think I’ll manage,” Luke said back playfully before his face changed to a more serious look with a curious gleam in his bright blue eyes.

Bright blue eyes that found their way down to Ashton’s lips, then back up to meet the sea of green and brown that was Ashton’s gorgeous eyes.

Ashton found himself leaning in along with the younger boy before stopping himself and quickly giving Luke a hug. They were basically to his hotel now anyway, so he let Luke go and smiled while saying, “goodnight Luke, see you tomorrow, hopefully hangover free.”

Luke looked disappointed, but covered it with a smile and a laugh at the hangover comment. He would definitely have a bad hangover tomorrow.

 

—

 

Michael’s apartment seemed different than it did when Calum raced out of there that morning. Maybe it’s because Calum didn’t see a lot of it when he was pinned underneath Michael— ~~I mean what~~...

Calum sat on Michael’s red leather couch, a cup of instant coffee made by the red-haired boy in his hand. They didn’t exactly have a chance to get a coffee before. Michael was sat on the opposite end of the couch, which wasn’t very far considering it was only a two seater couch, but things were awkward to say the least.

“So... How did you know who I was? Did you know last night?” Michael decided to ask the question that had been bugging him since Calum called him his real name.

“This morning, when I was rushing out of here, I saw your ID... I didn’t know who you were before that, but I think my subconscious did...” Calum furrowed his eyebrows, trying to explain the feeling he got when he had met Michael, “when our eyes first locked last night, I felt something inside of me, I think I just denied it but... It was there. _You_ are my soulmate.”

“So, what does this mean? All of this? Your ex-boyfriend has your name, you have my name, and I have someone else’s?”

It hurt when Michael called Ashton his ex-boyfriend, but Calum tried not to show it, Michael had already seen how weak Calum was, “I guess it’s the universe laughing at us, that’s what it is.”

“Very funny,” Michael turned to Calum and moved closer, “I think we need to find your ex, that’s where we start.”

“No can do,” Calum said glumly, “he didn’t tell anyone where he was going and he left his phone behind.”

“Wow, really?”

“Yep, now why don’t we just find your soulmate? And if they have someone else’s name then we’ll know if the universe is really fucking with all of us.”

“I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to find him anywhere. I’ve looked for him online and there’s nothing,” Michael looked down.

“Hey, you’ll find him. I found you. Obviously soulmate’s are like magnets, bound to meet at some point,” Calum didn’t know why he was trying to comfort Michael, let alone about somebody else. I guess Calum finally understood what it meant to care for your soulmate’s happiness more than your own, even when it hurts, just like Ashton did when he left.

“Thanks Calum... And we’ll find your boyfriend too.”

Both boys shared a smile, a sad smile but it was a start. They were in this together. They had to be.


	7. ghost of you

Months flew by for both Ashton and Calum as they lived their lives apart. Calum and Michael had gotten closer, their search for Michael’s soulmate and Ashton had run cold but the hole in both their hearts (though they would never admit it at this point) didn’t feel all that empty when the other was around. As for Ashton and Luke, their friendship had bloomed. Though Ashton kept most of his past from Luke, and it was obvious to everyone around them that they felt something for each other, friends was all Ashton could let them be. The hazel-eyed boy could tell Luke felt something for him, he wasn’t stupid, and he felt something too (which scared the crap out of him), but he just couldn’t do that. Calum was on his skin and forever in his heart, even though he was sure the dark-haired boy had moved on.

 

—

 

“July 1st!” Luke barged into the cafe. Ashton was getting ready to open the place, him and Luke always opened shop on Tuesday mornings, Ashton had settled in well. He didn’t live in the hotel down the street anymore, but in a small apartment building three blocks from the cafe in the opposite direction. It was a small, one bedroom, apartment but that was all he needed (and all he could afford).

“Yep, it’s July,” Ashton looked up at Luke from the main counter where the cash register was.

“Our birthdays are soon! I can’t wait till the party,” Luke began taking the chairs down from on top of the tables.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be fun,” Ashton said half-heartedly, his birthday was only going to remind him of the day Calum’s name appeared on his skin.

Luke picked up on this, not exactly sure why Ashton got weird when it came to the subject but too afraid to ask.

They had decided to have a joint birthday party after all, keeping to those drunk plans made months ago now, and have the party exactly in between their birthday’s. It worked out perfectly to have the party on the Friday night in just under two weeks time. Since Ashton’s birthday was on the 7th of July, a Monday, and Luke’s was on the 16th, the Wednesday the next week, they chose Friday the 11th. The party would also likely run long into the night so a Friday night was perfect.

 

—

 

“July 1st...” Calum sighed, “Ashton’s birthday is in six days...”

“Hey, don’t get all mopey on me,” Michael said from across Calum’s apartment. They had been staying at each other’s places a lot recently.

Calum glared at Michael and walked to his bedroom, Michael followed.

“Come on, Cal,” Michael sat down next to Calum on the bed the other boy had collapsed on.

“Why? We aren’t any closer to finding either of them. We’ve both basically given up already,” Calum cut Michael off when he looked like he was about to protest, “don’t even try to deny it.”

Michael sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, “fine...”

“So, what do we do now?” Calum got up and sat cross-legged across from Michael on the bed, mirroring the position the green-eyed boy was already in.

Michael didn’t say anything he just stared at Calum, like he was taking the other boy in. So Calum did the same, Michael’s hair was no longer red, the red had faded out a little while ago now. It was platinum blonde now and Calum thought it made his green eyes stand out even more. Calum on the other hand had let Michael put blonde streaks in the front of his hair, something he never thought he would want, it was late one night that they decided it was a good idea.

“I don’t know,” Michael said softly. Calum had almost forgot what they had been talking about but in that moment it didn’t matter because Michael started leaning in and Calum didn’t stop him.

The moment Michael’s lips touched his a wave ran through him, it was electric. He kissed back desperately.

 

—

 

Ashton got out of bed on his birthday, a frown on his face. But that frown instantly disappeared and turned into a bright smile when we saw a text from Luke on his phone wishing him a happy birthday.

Luke, Ashley (who he ended up becoming very good friends with after that drunken night they met), Niall, Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn were coming over for a small get together and dinner out that evening. Ashton wasn’t gonna say he wasn’t happy about it, because he was, but without Calum nothing was the same. Even though Luke made him feel better, Luke also made him feel guilty for the same reason, he was free-falling with no parachute and Ashton was terrified of heights.

Ashton quickly texted Luke back and started to get ready for work because it was still a Monday morning and still a working day for both Ashton and Luke who both worked every week day apart from Wednesday’s. Luke’s birthday just happened to be a Wednesday the next week, the lucky bastard.

 

—

 

_“Dance with me?”_

_Ashton looked up from his book. It was a Sunday afternoon, the sun was coming in through the window in the living room framing Calum’s face, giving the younger boy a warm glow._

_“There’s no music,” Ashton laughed, smiling fondly at his boyfriend._

_“So?” Calum’s eyes sparkled as they stared into Ashton’s._

_He didn’t need to say anymore because Ashton got up from the couch at that moment, hand extended out for Calum to hold._

_Calum held Ashton’s hand and stood. Ashton placed his free hand on Calum’s waist, Calum placing his other hand on the older boy’s shoulder. They started slowly swaying together, bodies so close they were almost touching. It was ridiculous but it was their ridiculous._

_They stayed like that, until Calum came in closer and wrapped his arms around Ashton’s neck, Ashton’s arms encircling the younger boy’s waist and embracing his back. Calum rested his head in between one of his arms and Ashton’s neck, breathing the other boy in. Ashton did the same._

_It could’ve been minutes, hours, days, that they held each other and slowly danced. But it wouldn’t have mattered. Because however long this moment lasted, it was perfect._

_“I love you,” Ashton whispered to Calum like it was some precious secret._

_“I love you,” Calum whispered back before they both pulled back just enough for their lips to meet in a slow, sweet kiss._

That’s when Calum sprung awake.

And he looked over to the empty space next to him.

He extended a hand to touch the space and was surprised to find it warm.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Calum’s eyes snapped to Michael stood in the doorway, “you want some breakfast?”

“Uh,” Calum was taken off guard, “yeah, sure.”

The kiss they shared almost a week ago now had ended at that, but their relationship had changed. They hadn’t done anything else after the kiss but they were more touchy-feely now, showing affection that they had previously been trying to hide.

Calum got out of bed and walked to Michael who hadn’t moved, Michael then leaned down and kissed him on the cheek before turning and heading back to the kitchen. They basically lived together at this point, Calum’s place was Michael’s place and vice-versa, they even knew what was in every draw in each other’s kitchen’s.

“Breakfast is almost ready!” Michael called back at him from the stove, “I started making it before I asked if you wanted any!”

 _Of course he did..._ Calum smiled to himself before joining the other boy.

 

—

 

Ashton and Luke’s shift at the cafe had just ended, it was fortunately a shorter shift than most days, it was 3pm on the dot and Ashton was ready to head back to his apartment.

“Ash!” Luke called out to the older boy who I guess he should start thinking of as a man now, he did turn 20 today.

The golden haired boy turned and looked at Luke with expectant eyes and a beautiful smile. Everything about this b— man was beautiful, “uh I know we are going to dinner later with the guys and Ashley, but there’s this little cupcake store a couple blocks from my apartment and, well, I was thinking we could go and get birthday cupcakes,” Luke rushed out, he couldn’t deny his huge crush on Ashton. Yeah he was going to get his soulmate tattoo very soon, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to the hazel-eyed man.

Ashton didn’t even take time to think about it before agreeing with another smile and a, “sure Luke,” he liked spending time with the younger boy and he definitely wasn’t going to turn down cupcakes.

The walk to the cupcake shop took about 15 minutes, but was pleasant and filled with good, yet casual, conversation. When they arrived the pair chose a cupcake they wanted and took a seat at one of the little, round, outdoor tables. The white paint was chipping off the metal spirals that made up the table and chairs to match, but the environment was warm and joyful in spirit. Ashton looked around and saw little kids with they parents, a big smile on their faces, as they stared at all the cupcakes from behind the glass.

“This place is so nice,” Ashton stopped looking around and locked eyes with the boy in front of him, “how’d you find it?”

“I was just on a walk one day and came across it,” Luke looked down at his cupcake, “vanilla has always been my favourite.”

Ashton tried to stifle a laugh. Tried.

“What?” Luke was confused, Ashton smirked, “oh... Vanilla,” they both burst out laughing at that point, it wasn’t even very funny but to them it was considering the way they had been thinking about each other since Ashton came to town... “Well you have a chocolate cupcake, so what does that say about you, Mr Irwin?”

Ashton didn’t say anything to that, he just smirked once again and took a bite of his chocolate cupcake, eyes never breaking contact with the ocean blue ones in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters so far :))


	8. how did we end up here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the wait x 
> 
> I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and HAPPY NEW YEAR OMG ITS 2019! 
> 
> Please rest assured I will finish this, I have too many plans for this fic to abandon it but please be patient with me <3

Saturday the 12th of July - 11:07AM

Ashton woke with his head pounding, which wasn’t really an unusual thing for him anymore, and a stream of late morning sunlight coming in from the window right across his face. He groaned and tried to move away from the light, only to realise there was a weight on top of his body. More specifically, a head on his chest. Ashton’s eyes widened when blonde hair registered, then widened further when he realised who the blonde boy on top of him was. 

Trying to think back to the night before, Ashton tried to remember how exactly he ended up in— Luke’s apartment! Was he? Crap, he was in Luke’s bed. With Luke all over him. Naked. 

Before Ashton could freak out about it any longer said blonde boy woke up. He rubbed his face into Ashton’s chest for a moment, causing Ashton to sharply breathe in, before the younger boy realised what was happening. 

His head shot up, his blue eyes locking with Ashton’s hazel, “... What?... Oh my god, what happened last night?”

Now wasn’t that the question of the day? 

“I can’t really... remember...” Ashton said to the blonde still in his arms, upon realising this Ashton let Luke go and sat up in the bed, dangling his legs over the side with his back to the younger boy. 

Luke hesitated before getting up too and slipping on some sweatpants. Ashton found his underwear and put it on, apart from that his other clothes were no where in sight inside Luke’s room.

“I remember having pre-drinks with Harry, Louis and Ashley before everyone else arrived,” Luke began, obviously trying to break the awkward silence that fell between them but also trying to sort this shit out. 

~  
 _Friday the 11th - 8.39PM_

_“People are gonna start showing up at 9 so let me make a toast to these two beautiful birthday boys before things get too crazy,” Ashley raised her beer for the group to cheers, “to Ashton and Luke!”_

_The small group cheered and clinked glasses, bright smiles all around._

_“I have a good feeling about tonight,” Luke said to everyone, eyes locking on Ashton._  
~

“Yeah and then when more people started turning up we started doing shots,” Ashton added sitting on Luke’s bed, still in only his boxers, Luke began pacing the room. 

~  
 _Friday the 11th - 9:21PM_

_Music blasted through the sound system at Luke’s apartment, the place wasn’t very big so everyone was kind of cramped in together, not that people really minded as they started to tipsily dance._

_Ashton poured himself and Luke their second shots of the night, “Happy early birthday, Luke,” he smiled and raised his shot glass to Luke’s._

_“Happy late birthday, Ashton,” Luke laughed as their glasses clinked and downed his shot along side the older boy. He could already feel it going to his head, the slightly dizzy feeling that he as an almost eighteen-year-old wasn’t very used to, but the smile on Ashton’s face immediately erased any doubts._  
~

“But here’s where it gets a bit fuzzy,” Luke said, “I remember I went to the bathroom after a few more drinks and when I came out I couldn’t find you.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember I was looking for you too, you were taking way too long to still be in the bathroom,” Ashton added, Luke decided to sit on the bed next to him. 

“Oh, then there was that guy that kept hitting on me—“ 

“The same guy I pulled off you?” Ashton turned to him, a serious look in his eyes that made Luke turn away, remembering. 

~  
 _Friday the 11th 10:52PM_

_Luke pushed his way through the crowd of people in his apartment, how this many people ended up here; he wasn’t sure, though Harry probably had something to do with it. The blonde wasn’t getting very far, instead he changed tactics and tried to squeeze around the edges of the living room back to the kitchen where he’d left Ashton. This worked until a clammy hand stopped him and strong arms trapped him against the wall._

_“Hey baby, trying to get away from me again?” The guy said, his gross warm breath fanning Luke’s face, way too close for comfort._

_“Please get off of me, I already told you I’m not interested, please leave,” Luke tried shoving him off but the man was too strong._

_“Don’t be like that, sweetheart, you know you want it,” the guy leaned in closer._

_“Hey! Get the fuck off him!” Another pair of strong arms grabbed the man and ripped him away from Luke._

_“Mind your own fucking business,” the man spat, fists clenched._

_“Get the fuck out of here before I beat you out, asshole,” the voice was threatening, scary, if Luke hadn’t looked to his rescuer he never would’ve believed it was Ashton._

_Niall and Zayn came to Ashton’s side when they realised what was going on, the man who originally looked like he was going to fight Ashton backed off and high-tailed it out of there._

_As soon as Ashton was sure the man was out of the apartment he rushed to Luke, “are you okay?” He fussed over the younger boy._

_“Y-yeah, I’m okay, thank you for coming in when you did,” Luke was still shaken up, he honestly just wanted to get more drunk and forget this._

_“Of course,” Ashton gave Luke a reassuring smile, a smile that said ‘you’re safe’, and Luke liked that expression a lot more on the hazel-eyed boy._  
~

“Thanks again, if you hadn’t come when you did I don’t know what would’ve happened,” Luke stared at his knees, he really didn’t want to remember that, it made him very uncomfortable. 

“There were heaps of people around, Luke, nothing would have happened to you,” Ashton placed a hand on Luke’s knee. The touch, while it was meant to be reassuring, sparked something in both their brains. 

Both sets of eyes, hazel and blue, widened and locked with each other. 

“...I remember what happened after that now...” Ashton broke the silence, trying to be brave. 

~  
 _Friday the 11th 11:52PM_

_“Luke!” Ashton exclaimed between laughs, “slow down!”_

_Luke was about to down another shot when he turned to Ashton, “you’re right! We should make it more interesting!”_

_“That’s not what I said!” Ashton continued to laugh as Luke grabbed a slice of lime from the kitchen counter, the salt shaker already out as well._

_“Let’s do body shots!” Luke shouted excitedly, “I’ll go first,” and without warning squeezed some lime juice on Ashton’s neck, shook some salt on it, and popped another slice of lime in Ashton’s mouth._

_Ashton froze completely when a warm tongue licked up his neck, the blonde boy then downed his shot and was coming for the lime sticking out of Ashton’s mouth._

_Luke took the lime between his teeth, lips brushing Ashton’s, and sucked on it quickly before spitting it out, not currently caring where it went. He hadn’t moved away from the older boy at all and as he turned his head back to face him he noticed Ashton staring at his lips. So without thinking at all, Luke connected their lips properly. Ashton reacted immediately, hands going to Luke’s waist to pull him closer, Luke’s own hands found their way into Ashton’s hair._  
~

“Ah, so, we hooked up,” Luke tried to sound casual about it but he was afraid. Afraid because he couldn’t really remember where things led to after that, though how they woke up seemed like a clear enough sign. Afraid because he didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Ashton, though he did like the older boy as more than a friend he wasn’t sure Ashton felt the same way. Afraid because in a few days he’d turn 18 and get his soulmate mark and he really wanted it to be Ashton, though he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Ashton has had his soulmate tattoo for two years now and Luke was pretty sure it wasn’t his name. That being said...

Ashton got up, “things don’t have to be awkward between us though right? We are both mature and shit happens...” Whatever else Ashton had to say was downed out as Luke was met with something he knew was bound to be there but still hurt to see. The name ‘Calum Hood’ was peaking out of Ashton’s boxers on his exposed hip bone. 

When Ashton realised where Luke was starring his eyes widened and he excused himself, finding his clothes sprawled out across the living room with other various pieces of clothing and rubbish. 

 

~~~  
 _Bonus scene_

_Saturday the 12th 2:09AM_

_Ashton howled as he tore off his shirt, “this is my shit!” He yelled as what was apparently his favourite song started booming through the speakers. He grabbed Luke by the hand and led him to the middle of the makeshift dance floor where they started to dance like no one was watching, shamelessly grinding on each other._

_Where they then proceeded to make out right there in front of everyone._

_“Okay people, party’s over!” Harry yelled, grabbing Louis while Ashley covered Niall’s eyes and led him out of there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahaha I had to include that bonus scene! Also I’m sorry if there were any mistakes in this chapter I’m posting it from my phone 😬
> 
> There will be more flashbacks from that night to come ;)) and obviously some more malum (sorry to starve you this chapter with no mikey and cal) 
> 
> Some big events and more ANGST to come :)


	9. too hard to forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Sorry if this chapter is a little choppy I played around with it a lot and added things and cut things and changed things around. I don't usually go back and forth from what's happening in LA to Chicago this much but this is one of the first important chapter's in setting up the ENDGAME

Calum fried up some bacon, the sizzling the only sound in Michael’s apartment apart from distant traffic from the streets below. Michael sat at his small dining table, scrolling through his phone, looking up and smiling at the other boy occasionally. Calum put the bacon on a plate and began to fry up some eggs for them, Michael got up to make the toast.

It was like this most mornings now, domestic, Calum didn’t want to admit how much he liked it. But he guessed he’s always been used to being like this with another person...

The momentary distraction of thoughts such as those caused Calum to lose focus as he turned abruptly to get more butter to fry the eggs in. He bumped straight into Michael who had just poured a cup of coffee.

They collided front on, the coffee spilling over Michael’s singlet and Calum’s teeshirt.

“Ouch, fuck, sorry,” Calum apologised as he quickly removed his shirt.

Michael put the now mostly empty cup on the counter and followed suit, “it’s okay, no serious burns,” he gave a little laugh.

Calum laughed too, though that laugh fell when his eyes landed upon the name on Michael’s ribs. It was on the right side in that delicate black print that all soulmarks were, and although they had talked about it they’d never actually seen each other’s soulmate tattoos before.

Michael noticed where Calum’s eyes had traveled and caressed his cheek, tilting his head to look at him, “hey, we’re gonna figure everything out,” he got closer to Calum and slipped his arms around his waist, dark whisky brown eyes finally meeting his and caramel skinned arms wrapping around his neck.

Calum rested his head against Michael’s shoulder, Michael’s fingers slowly tracing patterns on his back.

“Is something burning?” Calum suddenly asked, a burnt smell in the air he was only just noticing.

Michael was about to come back with some cheesy line when he looked over Calum’s shoulder to the stove, “shit, the eggs!”

 

—

 

Ashton hadn’t spoken to Luke properly since he left Luke’s apartment the other morning. Granted that was only yesterday, but they would usually text back and forth throughout the day when they didn’t have work and go out places sometimes with the guys or Ashley or just by themselves. Ashton didn’t know what to say to the younger boy. Does he act like the other night didn’t happen? Or acknowledge it happened but play it cool, like it didn’t mean anything? 

Oh for god’s sake, he is 20 years old. He should just be an adult about this and confront the issue. Talk to Luke. Yeah, all he had to do was talk to Luke... But... Luke’s birthday is in a couple days... So Luke will be getting his soulmate mark and probably forgot all about this, right? And they can go back to being friends just like the last couple months and forget this ever happened.

It was thoughts like this that got Ashton through the rest of his day. He would be seeing Luke tomorrow at work. Were things gonna be weird between them now? Should he have texted Luke today?—

_Enough._

He had to stop stressing. Though at least this drama has distracted him from Calum— never mind, now he was thinking about Calum.

Ashton tried to clear his mind, but sleep would not give in that night. It was after hours of tossing and turning that his exhaustion won out, leaving him looking like a mess when his alarm woke him the next morning.

Ashton tried to clean himself up as best he could but his hair was a mess of honey curls and there were bags under his hazel eyes that he could do nothing about. Slipping some plain black jeans and a tee shirt on he made his way out of his small apartment and began his short walk to work.

Upon entering the cafe his eyes immediately met the blue ones that had haunted his dreams in the few hours of sleep he’d had that night.

And that’s when it hit him.

_Ashton smashed Luke against the door the moment it clicked shut after the last of the partygoers had left. Their lips connecting in almost the same moment. Luke moaned into Ashton’s mouth, pulling him closer as Ashton’s hands started to wander and tug off Luke’s shirt, his already gone. He started kissing down the blonde’s neck, sucking patches of purple and red into Luke’s creamy skin, his hands sliding down a slender abdomen to the fly of Luke’s skinny jeans._

Ashton shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. It didn’t help when he focused back on Luke to see those hickeys (barely concealed, by makeup?) he only now remembered giving him. Did Luke remember how he got them?

“Hey Luke,” Ashton tried to go for casual but that was a lot easier when he remembered barely anything from the night.

“H-hey Ashton,” Luke stuttered out, looking embarrassed about the stutter or the hickeys, Ashton wasn’t sure. Probably both.

Ashton sighed, “look about the other night—“

“We were drunk, Ash, don’t worry about it,” Luke said suddenly.

Ashton’s eyebrows raised in surprise, but the relief he expected did not come.

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure everything’s good between us,” Ashton said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“Honestly, I barely remember anything from that night,” Luke laughed, though it sounded slightly forced.

“Same,” Ashton agreed as another image of Luke unzipping his own skinny jeans came into his mind.

_Fuck._

 

—

 

Calum couldn’t save the eggs, they were practically black when he’d rushed over to them.

“Well, looks like we are having bacon on toast today,” Calum turned back to Michael but the green-eyed boy’s face wasn’t amused like Calum expected.

It was serious, eyes staring at Calum in... Wonder?

“What—“

“Can you— can you turn around again?” Michael cut him off.

Calum has forgotten in his haste that he was still shirtless and had just turned his back to Michael. Just like Calum had never seen Michael’s soulmark, he’d never seen Calum’s either. He had never truely seen his name on Calum’s skin apart from one time a month or two ago when Calum was changing in the dim light of his bedroom and he’d caught a glimpse. He hadn’t needed to see it to believe and know it was there, he could feel it was the truth when Calum had blurted it out in that cafe months ago now.

Slowly, Calum turned around, and for a minute everything was still and silent until Calum felt a pair of lips against his shoulder blade, the skin of which Michael’s name resided. A shiver ran down his spine. Michael wrapped his arms around him from behind and placed another kiss to his neck this time.

“Calum, even if we never find my soulmate or your boyfriend, I’m happy,” Calum turned in his arms, eyes wide, “I’m happy with you, with this.”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“What?”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend, I need to except that... And I need to except that yeah, I might never see him again.”

“I’m not saying we won’t find—“

“I know, Mikey,” Calum smiled, “what I’m really saying is... I’m happy too, with you.”

 

—

 

The day went on awkwardly for Ashton and Luke. Ashton really hoped things would somehow get better before the younger boy’s 18th birthday. He also remembered upon seeing him that Luke had seen his soulmate tattoo. It shouldn’t be a big deal though, right?

_Why does it feel like a big deal?_

The next day, the day before Luke’s birthday, started out quite the same. They opened up shop and awkwardly exchanged greetings and small talk. It was, at least, a little better than the day before. At certain points throughout the day they fell back into their usual work banter but it still wasn’t the same. Damn it, alcohol and hot friends should not mix.

“Well,” Luke began as they closed up shop, “as always I don’t work Wednesday’s so I’ll see you tomorrow at the bar we agreed on with the guys and Ashley.”

“Yeah, it kinda sucks I have to work all day, but I’ll see you tomorrow birthday boy,” Ashton smiled at him, inside kicking himself because, did he really just call him birthday boy?

Luckily Luke just laughed and gave a wave as they walked in separate directions after locking up.

Maybe everything would be okay after all.

 

—

 

“My parents want me to visit them in August,” Michael told Calum as they sat across from each other at the dining table with what was left of their breakfast that wasn’t burnt.

“Oh, so they don’t live here in LA?” Calum asked through a mouthful of toast.

“No, I moved here to LA when I turned 18, I honestly just wanted to get out and have new experiences, you know?”

“Yeah I get that, it’s the reason Ash— the reason I moved here too.”

Michael smiled sympathetically at the dark haired boy. It would take a lot of time for Ashton to stop being such a big part of Calum’s world still.

“Hey, why don’t you come with me?” Michael said a few minutes later, when they had finished their breakfast.

“What? To meet your parents?” Calum stared at the green-eyed boy.

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it a bit too soon for that?” Calum laughed.

“Don’t think about it like that. You don’t even need to meet them if you don’t want to. We can stay at a hotel, just... Come with me?”

“You’re serious about this?” Calum got up to put their plates in the sink, Michael followed.

“Why not? It’ll be fun,” Michael took Calum’s hands in his own.

Calum sighed, looking down, before smiling up at the other boy, “wait, where do they even live?” He realised he hadn’t asked and Michael hadn’t said.

“Chicago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert; next chapter is most likely going to be a full lashton chapter again (sorry not sorry lol) because their drama is at it's peak rn and I low-key messed up the malum side earlier on by letting them find happiness in each other, like there was supposed to be more angst but... I LET THEM BE HAPPY (FOR NOW) I GUESS AHAHA
> 
> BUT to compensate for the lack of malum in the chapter before this one and the future lashton-only chapter THERE WILL BE A FULL MALUM ONE TOO IN A COUPLE CHAPTERS :)))
> 
> See you soon lovelies x

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3
> 
> Please leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed, constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome :))


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